Am I cyborg?

Self scanning in the New Normal.

Was I the last conspiracy theorist in the world to discover the human MAC address phenomenon?

Disclosure. I am unvaccinated but nevertheless magnetised. I have linked some intriguing videos here, here and here describing how vaccinated people have been found to emit MAC addresses. After seeing these videos—and hearing first hand accounts from vaccinated friends—my curiosity was piqued. A quick search on the App store turned up a number of cheap or free Bluetooth scanners. Over the course of the following days I discovered a number of ambiguous MAC signals wherever I went. On the beach, in the streets, even in the back yard.

Unknown and unconnectable. Are these my neighbours?

Fascinated, I became the latest victim of the craze. I started hanging out in remote locations. Asking complete strangers their vaccination status. Counting the occupants of passing cars. Comparing scanner apps. Jotting down MAC addresses.

One burning question played on my mind. I’m magnetised. And so is my partner. We can both stick a small neodymium magnet or a key to our sternums. Do we have MAC addresses? To answer this question, I devised a simple experiment. Armed with a range of Bluetooth scanners, my partner and I packed up the camper van and headed to the Cambrian Mountains of Wales for an overnighter.

We camped in an area similar to this. Our camp was at the end of a forestry track with no inhabited houses or farms for at least 4 miles in any direction. Nothing but fire roads, rivers, Sitka spruce plantation and bleak moorland as far as the eye can see. It was a bitterly cold December day and we were certain that few people would be walking—let alone camping—this deep in the Welsh mountains.

We set about making camp as the temperature plummeted. Soon we had a meagre fire burning with the small bag of hardwood logs we had hauled in. We had with us three iPhones. There was absolutely no phone signal. One phone was running a Bluetooth scanning app. Another was powered off and the third was left powered on, but in airplane mode.

Darkness descended quickly. We ate a simple meal of burgers and red wine. Neither of us wanted to forage for deadwood to feed the fire all night, so we turned in around 8.30pm and crawled under our duvets. I scanned for Bluetooth periodically through the night.

My first surprise was that both the airplane mode iPhone and the powered off iPhone were emitting MAC addresses.

My second surprise came shortly before 9pm, when the scanner informed me that there was an “unknown” third MAC address in the camper van with us. I looked in horror at my sleeping partner as my mind began to wrestle with the possibility that one of us was cyborg.

I continued to scan throughout the night, using different apps, screenshotting and scribbling notes. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say I made some valuable discoveries.

By the morning, there were five Apple iPhones in the van.

And fifteen cyborgs!

I had stopped screenshotting at around 4:15am, when there were already 12 devices. It occurred to me that the scanning app was logging every different MAC address as a separate device. And I was still none the wiser as to my own—or my partner’s—cyborg status.

As I struggled into my clothes to climb out into the freezing misty morning and brew some coffee, it was clear to me that

1. iPhones emit their own static MAC addresses, and dynamic MAC addresses when needed.

2. The 15 unknown and uninterrogable MAC addresses needed investigating.

After breakfasting on hot coffee and supermarket mince pies, it was time for another experiment. This one would be much simpler.

Leaving the two control iPhones locked in the van, we walked down the track and around to the other side of a rocky hillside about 1/4 of a mile away.

Stamping our feet on the icy ground to keep our circulation going, we started the scanner app running. And waited. And waited. Nothing. Nada. Zip. For about 15 minutes we let the app scan for Bluetooth and interrogate. Still nothing.

We restarted the scanner. Tried four different apps. There were no MAC addresses detectable. Relieved, we walked back to the van.

We concluded

1. The Bluetooth scanners aren’t hoaxing us by spitting out spurious MAC addresses just for giggles.

2. Neither my partner nor I—both unvaccinated but frighteningly magnetised—have MAC addresses.

3. These dynamic or randomised MAC addresses are most likely offered by nearby devices as handshakes or feelers. I’m sure most of us have experienced being in a public place and finding that we can Bluetooth or Apple Airdrop random stuff to complete strangers nearby who have left their phones discoverable.

On the sleety drive out of the woods, we were perturbed to see evidence of yet another 5G mast being erected in the wilderness. I’ve had a mobile phone for 30 years and this is the first time they’ve ever bothered to put masts out here. It seems the control grid is coming fast.

The next instalment of the MAC address saga will be to seek the help of a number of vaccinated friends in order to repeat the experiment and find out if any of them are emitting MAC addresses.

Watch this space.